What happens to those eggs not found?
Wishing you an eggtraordinarily eggcellent
day of eggtravagant eggcess! -- Fancy
And leave his eyes looking all glassy.
There once was a talented wench
Irish, yet well versed in French
Much praise she incurred
For not saying' a word
But twisting her tongue like a wrench.
St. Paddy's comes once a year
And some lads live in great fear.
Their pleasure abolished,
Shillelaghs not polished,
If Fancy's not anywhere near!
Limericks are a uniquely Irish form of naughty poetry, actually named after the city of Limerick in the mid-western part of the Emerald Isle. These are fine examples of the culture's humor:
In the tits of a barmaid named Gayle
Were tattooed prices of beer, stout, and Ale,
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was precisely the same, but in Braille.
There once was a woman from Hunt
Who smoked a cigar with her cunt.
Smoke rings did she blow
As part of the show
T’was really one hell of a stunt!
There once was a lass from Kilkenney
Whose usual price was a penny
For that meager sum
You could finger her bum;
Think what you'd get for a guinea!
Since a top-heavy maiden from Yonkers
Is equipped to make tit men go bonkers,
Poet Goldsmith might say,
Were he living today,
That whenever she stoops, sir, she conquers!
When a student named Ben once was rapping
On his reason for bra-strap unsnapping,
He explained he'd a yen
From his study of Zen
For the sound of one mammary flapping.
An outrageous young lady named Kyle
Likes to flirt in a whimsical style:
She'll de-panty, it's said,
And then stand on her head
To display her most whimsical smile.
Muldoon's dog Puck died. Muldoon really did love that dog, so he went to see Father McNulty. He knew the man before he was a Father, when they had been drinking buddies back in the old country.
He said, "Mike (he always called father "Mike"), me dog died."
Father said, "What the hell are ye botherin' me with that for? I'm working on sermons and besides I'm Catholic and Catholics don't do dogs. Take your stupid mutt down to the New Age place down the road. Maybe they do dogs."
So Muldoon said, ”Mike, I really want a proper sendoff and to 'ave him waitin' for me in Heaven. I just wanted to know if you thought that $5,000 would be a large enough donation for the service.”
Father said, ”Muldoon, you didn't tell me your dog was a Catholic.”
The morning of the service Muldoon came and said, "Mike, what if me dog is only playing dead and fooling me?”
Father said “What the hell are you botherin' me for? I'm getting ready for the service. You do 'ave the $5,000? I'm a priest, not a vet. Take your dog to the animal clinic and they'll run some tests."
So Muldoon went to the vet to determine if Puck was really dead. The vet pulled on the dog's nose and the dog's tail and tickled the dog's belly. When the dog did not respond, the vet told Muldoon that the dog was dead and charged Muldoon $50.
Muldoon went back to see Mike and said, “Mike, how can I be absolutely sure? I would be sad if Puck woke up after he was buried.”
Father said, “What the hell are you botherin' me for? I'm getting ready to go in to the service. Where is the $5,000? I'm a priest, not St. Francis. Go back to the vet and have him run more tests."
Muldoon went back to the vet's demanding more tests to see if Puck was really dead. After the initial tests the vet got a kitten, which he had scratch the dog's nose and play with the dog's tail and scratch the dog's belly. The vet then told Muldoon that the dog was really dead and charged him $500.00.
When Muldoon questioned the price difference, the vet told him, "Well, this second series included a CAT SCAN."